Written By Dr. Jason Bergerhouse, D.C.
This will be a much different blog than all my latest one’s regarding conspiracy theories and the current “going on’s” in the world. It’s a bit of an emotional blog for me to write because I am a parent myself and I have realized the power that we have as parents to lead our children to live “healthy lives.” We have such an incredible responsibility to help our children to become the very best versions of themselves and to be, well, good people. I put so much weight and emphasis on those last 2 words because it is our duty to guide them in the “right” direction, to love them unconditionally, and to discipline them accordingly when need be so they are better “equipped” to become good people.
Being a parent in this Weird World that has fallen fast asleep – where right is wrong and wrong is right, is hard, to say the least. I would argue that it’s probably even harder now than it was, lets say 30 years ago. Being a parent takes a lot of hard work. And, if you’re a parent, especially a “good” parent – YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. While the World looks to rid the “humanity” right out of our children, confuse them, and teach them right is wrong and wrong is right – We must protect our children at all costs – even putting our lives on the line to protect them. It’s a spiritual battle.
Essentially, we must protect the one’s who looked for “US” (mom & dad) on the very first day they arrived into this world – outside the sanctuary of the womb.
In church last Sunday, the guest pastor said: “A Newborn looks for those looking for them.” These words really resonated with me – they strummed those invisible heart strings that attach our heart to our consciousness. As I began to well up with tears – I thought to myself, “wow what an incredible responsibility we have as parents.” And, then about a 1/2 second later I began to think to myself: “WOW, our creator – i.e. GOD ALMIGHTY – who we spend our whole lives looking for has been looking at us the whole time. As the Song “Reckless Love” points out:
“Before I spoke a word, you were singing over me. You have been so, so good to me. Before I took a breath, you breathed your life in me. You have been so kind to me, oh the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God. Oh, it chases me down, fights “till I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine I couldn’t earn it, and don’t deserve it, still, you gave yourself away oh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God, year…”
The reason “good” parents love their kids so much (from my perspective as a Christian) is because we were brought into this planet out of love by our Heavenly Father. I don’t believe we are here by chance. In fact, the odds of you and I being born are almost impossible and yet here we are. I think you would have a better chance of winning the lottery by finding a winning lottery ticket in a dumpster in the middle of “tin-buck-to and nowhere.” I mean can you use “naturalism” to explain the existence of the Cosmos and spontaneous generation? Why does the Universe even exist at all? How does “something” come from an ABSOLUTE NOTHING (no energy, no matter)? I mean something or some entity would have to exist outside of “time, space, and matter” to bring it all into existence and CAUSE the “BIG-BANG,” so to speak. Who was the “Banger” – As the famous Christian Apologist, Frank Turek, says, “Who banged it?!”
I’m just “riffing” here…
WHAT DO OUR KIDS “NEED” FROM US
My argument is kids need true “LOVE.” Love is not a feeling, it’s a verb, it’s an action. This “LOVE” for me started as soon as my wife told me she was pregnant (after the initial shock & reality check subsided) but even more so the day I got to meet my daughter for the first time. As I held her in my arms and set down on a chair in the bedroom of the home we delivered her at, I looked deep into my child’s eyes and we connected. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling that was conjured up within me as we saw each other eye-to-eye for the first time – it was if I had been touched by the hand of God Himself. I knew in an instant that I was meant to be an awesome dad. My daughter looked into my eyes and saw the “one” that was looking for her. I have never known a Love like the Love I felt it that moment. That was 2.5 years ago.
And, every day when I come home from work – the very first thing I do is reconnect with my daughter. I have this thing I do with her – I call it – “forehead to forehead” where I place my forehead on her forehead – it’s powerful – and we connect. It’s hard to describe the love I have for my daughter – it’s beautiful – it’s unconditional – it’s powerful. And, everyday I make sure she knows how much I love her. Her mom, my beautiful wife, does the same. It’s also beautiful watching my wife’s connection with my daughter and seeing their “love” that they share. It’s such a “spiritual” thing.
Unfortunately, in this current World we live in – psychologists seem to emphasize how parents need to make sure their own needs are being met and that “too much” love will lead their children into becoming whiny-little-dependent-brats. But this isn’t really the case when you look at the actual Science.
THE CRY IT OUT METHOD
There is a method called, I kid you not, the total extinction method, which requires the parents to just let their kids cry it out while in isolation (i.e. in their cribs while isolated in their rooms). Science shows that a baby’s body grows better from being held and through physical touch. I’m going to quote and paraphrase directly from this incredible article: “Dangers of Crying it Out.” “Their bodies get “dysregulated when they are physically separated from their caregivers.”
What does dysregulation mean?
“Distress. Crying kills neuronal connections. When the stress-response system kicks in, goodbye synapses. But the “other brain” is also affected. Too much stress suppresses glial cell division–and glial cells take care of myelinization at developmental plateaus (myelin is the capstone for a neuron and facilitates communication with other neurons).”
[Link: “How to Grow Smart Babies”] This is really important to me as a Chiropractor because the brain is the bodies “super-computer” and this means that everything in the body, including all systems in the body are dependent on how well the brain develops and functions.
How else are babies supposed to communicate their needs other than crying? It’s the only language they know. And, that distress we feel as parents when our kids cry, especially when they’re infants is inherent within us for a reason. You literally have to shut off this conscious mechanism and completely block this feeling in order to just let your child “cry it out.” As adults we have the ability to communicate our needs and therefore get our needs met. In the article it uses the simple example of “hunger.” When we feel hungry we know to get something to eat. We can walk into the kitchen and get something to eat. What is your baby supposed to do when they’re hungry or need comfort? They can’t walk themselves into the kitchen, can they? They can’t comfort themselves… Contrary to popular belief – when your baby crashes after crying and crying and crying to no avail they merely pass out from the stress & trauma.
Several Scientific reasons to listen to your parental “gut” instinct are written up in the article, which I will list out here. Again here is the link for the article, which I highly suggest reading: “Dangers of Crying it Out.”
- “The brain is developing quickly”
- “Prolonged distress early in life can result in a poorly functioning Vagus Nerve”
- “Self-Regulation may be undermined” [they learn to shutdown in face of extensive distress]
- “Trust may be undermined”
- “Caregiver sensitivity may be harmed” [they can get apathetic – ignoring their gut instinct to help a child that is in distress]
- “Caregiver responsiveness to the needs of the baby is related to most positive child outcomes.”
COMMON SENSE
I don’t need a Scientists or the State to tell me, as a parent, the proper way to raise my child. As parents we have had the common sense indoctrinated right out of us. We have forgotten that innate sense of wisdom that has always been there since the day our kids were born. Parents read books and articles which tell them about all the things that could go wrong during birth and to do this, but not that – a lot of it just leads to confusion. I’m not saying that these things don’t have merit – but at the end of the day we still have to listen to our gut instinct. Remember, your child is looking for the one’s looking for them; Not the TV, not the Cell Phone, not the Government, not the Doctors, not the State – YOU ARE THEIR NUMBER 1 – THEY ARE LOOKING FOR YOU TO GUIDE THEM! But if we don’t, something else will come in and take over to play the role as parent and this isn’t a good a thing.
What an incredible responsibility we have as parents but what an awesome responsibility it is. We MUST continually show our kids that we are always looking for them – which is to say we will always “be there” for them. On day 1 of life they were looking for the one’s looking for them; and throughout their lives they will turn to their strongest support networks.
